Most people probably don’t know how it feels like to be five years old and to wake up in the middle of the night to the sounds of your dad fighting his friend in the corridor.
Most people don’t know how it feels to be four and go get your dad from the bar on a cold winter night.
Most people don’t know how it feels when they take your dad away to the police and bankruptcy and alcoholism and replace him with a fat blob full of alcohol, slurs and bitterness.
Most people don’t know how it feels when that blob abuses you mentally for ten years and destroys your sense of security completely in a place you were supposed to call “home”.
Most people have not woken up to a shotgun.
Most people don’t know how it feels to be clever enough to see that blob re-enact his own traumas and revenging all the grudges he had towards the man you once thought of as your “dad”, but not that much anymore.
Most people don’t know the hatred it fills you with, slow, gradual, but exponential growth.
Most people don’t know how much struggle it takes to crawl out of that hell and rebuild your whole personality, while very, very carefully trying not to fuck up anything.
Most people don’t know any of this.
Most people don’t know how it feels to have a shrapnel grenade for a soul.
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